Halloween Oreo, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Eat Oreos

Halloween Oreo

History:

I do not know what year the Halloween Oreo first came into existence; likely 2008 or 2009, when Oreo started diversifying the line. The whole schtick – Orange + Black = Halloween, woo – is so simple that it may be much older. I think, but cannot verify, that these were the first 'seasonal' variant of the regular Oreo. They remain the best.

My first experience with the Halloween Oreo was 2010, when my relationship Oreo thing really started. My college roommate, Jeff, would always buy Oreos for our apartment (well, for him. I just ate them. Don't worry, I contributed some later on). Halloween Oreos came into my life during that lovely fall, when I started trying every Oreo at the Muncie Meijer. I'm not big into drinking, or socializing, or Muncie, and college up until that point had been a mess of stress, anxiety, and misery, so collecting Oreos was a fun pass-time. It also helped connect me to my sister, Ellen, who was at school 10 hours away and has a similar obsessive affinity to Pop-Tarts. In the hot mess of finding yourself during college, Oreos played a substantial role. 

During the fall of 2010 I also watched every movie starring Guy Pearce up until that point, met my college girlfriend, travelled widely, and found a home with the BSU Anthropology Department. It was a breakthrough year.

It was an important fall. 

That nostalgia is why I always say that the Halloween Oreo is one of my favorite Oreos. Objectively they are precisely the same cookie as regular 1.5x or 2x Stuf Oreos, but with colored creme. But food is not an objective experience. I don't eat Oreos just because I find them delicious; I eat Oreos because they make me happy.  I don't know many of the people I knew back then. Many of the important places have already changed after six years. My world and experiences are completely different. I don't think of them very frequently anymore, but I do when I eat the Halloween Oreos. 

So, I love Halloween Oreos.  You likely don't have the same connection to them; maybe you have a different connection, or no connection at all. But they are a foundational cookie in my Oreo experience, and one that makes me happy to see on store shelves each and every year.

Cookie: A chocolate cookie. The only notable difference is that these Oreos have fancy Halloween designs on them.

Creme: Bright-orange Creme. I think the color makes the crème taste better.

Gorgability: I ate half a pack last night. Remember, two Oreos is a serving, so you should eat twelve at a time.

Verdict: 5/5.

Candy Corn Oreos: Corny Candy Oreos.

Candy Corn Oreos 

History: Candy Corn Oreos first showed up in Fall 2014, and I hated them then. They were re-released this year, and I hate them now. The thing about Candy Corn is that it is, well. It is downright delicious. I love it; a perfect texture, a perfect sugary sweet flavor. It's so good! I can eat Candy Corn by the handful. I can eat Candy Corn until it makes me sick. You would think an Oreo would just be two delicious Oreo cookies with some Candy Corn smooshed between them but...well, read on.

Cookie: Vanilla cookies, the old standby for "exciting flavor requires bland cookie."

Creme: Blandly sweet, much like other strange flavors. So you don't get the proper flavor of Candy Corn. Additionally, the texture is all wrong. Regular Oreo texture just does not manage to convey the pure pleasure of the Candy Corn experience. The aftertaste and, well, after-burp just don't do it any favors either. Might as well eat a jar of sugar.

Milk Taste-Test: No.

Gorgeability: None. Just buy a bag of Candy Corn.

Verdict: 2/5 Oreos.

Pumpkin Spice Oreo: The Delicious Taste of Autumn

Pumpkin Spice Oreo

History: The Pumpkin Spice Oreo first showed up in stores during Fall 2014. I was excited. Pumpkin is a good flavor. It seemed appropriate for Oreo to hop on the bandwagon. Unlike many flavors, it seems Pumpkin Spice Oreo is a permanent seasonal flavor. Few variants have made the leap from temporary to annual; hopefully Caramel Apple manages to do so this year, too.

Cookie: A golden cookie. Perfectly fine as a carrier for the delicious Pumpkin creme. 

Creme: Fake Pumpkin with a distinct hint of cinnamon. It's not as good as, say, Pumpkin Pie, or even as good as Pumpkin coffee drinks, but it's good. Real good. Now that it's been around for a few years, I find it tied to happy fall memories. The right kind of cookie. 

Milk Taste-Test: Pretty great! If I may be so crazy as to suggest it, try dipping these into coffee. 

Gorgeability: Last time I owned them I actually put them into a ziploc so they would keep longer. I savored them. 

Verdict: 3/5 Oreos. 

Swedish Fish Oreos: An Affront to God.

History: The Swedish Fish Oreo was released in August 2016, to a surprising amount of Twitter fanfare. Much like our Republican nominee this year, Oreo has found that the only way to keep attention on itself is by releasing more and more outlandish flavors. “Swedish Fish” is a choice. If you are not familiar, Swedish Fish are gummy candy with a mysterious flavor (wikipedia purports it is ligonberry, but nobody really knows). They're a wine gummy, so they have a firmness to their texture not unlike gumdrops. I'm not a big fan, but will eat them if they're around. Anyway. Their mysterious flavor (and odor) is notably unique. Oreo must have decided that would b an appropriate partner for their classic cookie. They were wrong.

Cookie: Classic chocolaty goodness.

Creme: Sinful. And I don't mean that in a jolly, happy way – like I usually do. These cookies are an affront to God. If you don't believe in God, these will make you believe in God just so you have someone to blame, because their flavor is downright inhuman. Imagine someone melted down a bag of Swedish Fish and served it to you. That's about the best approximation I can make. It is potent beyond all reason, beyond all...god, it's so bad. And the odor is just as awful. You can smell them across the room.

Milk Taste-Test: I didn't even bother.

Gorgeability: I couldn't finish a single Oreo.

Verdict: 1 / 5 – one of the worst Oreos ever released, a stain on the brand.

Fruity Crisp Oreo: This Summer's Most Honest Cookie

Fruity Crisp Oreo

History: The Fruity Pebble Oreo was released in June 2016, in tandem with the previously reviewed Blueberry Pie Oreo. Cereal flavors aren't unprecedented; a Rice Crispy Oreo was released in 2014, and was actually very decent. Fruity Pebble Oreo seems strange, but - well, heck. Read on.

Cookie: Just more Golden. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Creme: Like many of the more "complex" specialty flavors, these feature a thicker creme than traditional Oreo, which has a chalkier creme. The creme tends to stretch, if you try. Which I did. I'm not sure you would, but for an Oreo reviewer, everything is up for consideration. Anyway, this creme is pretty delicious. A coworker pointed out it tastes like Fruity Pebble Breakfast bars, and he was right.on.the.money. Now, those taste like a bowl full of Fruity Pebbles + Milk, so if that's your only experience, just go on this. Unlike many fake flavors (lookin' at you, Blueberry / Strawberry / Watermelon), this flavor is very on-point and precisely what you would expect. That said, this also suffers from the 'too sweet' problem, wherein your mouth feels like you ate a spoon of sugar rather than a cookie. But that's the price you pay for speciality Oreos, I suppose.

Milk Taste-Test: My lactose intolerance has become so intense that I can't actually have milk with Oreos anymore. I'll make an exception when an exceptional cookie comes along, but this is not the cookie.

Gorgeability: Far, far too sweet. So sweet I could smell them through the ziploc full of cookies that were sitting in my metal filing cabinet at work today. I would never gorge these.

Verdict: 3 / 5. Sure, it's a bit too sweet, but the taste is actually really pretty decent. For a novelty Oreo, it tastes precisely how you would expect it to. And, heck. I like Fruity Pebbles pretty well.

Blueberry Pie Oreos Really Blew-Berry My Previously High Expectations by Being Lame.

Blueberry Pie Oreo

History: Blueberry Pie Oreos were released June 6th, limited to Target stores. Honestly? You'll probably be able to find them back-stocked for a few months to come. I recently helped at a food bank, and while sorting food found boxes and boxes of unpurchased Coconut Creme Oreos. This was after finding them at my local Target store for several months post-release. What I'm saying is, you shouldn't rush out to try these, both because there will be an ample supply but also because demand will be low - they're not very good.

Cookie: Point-blank: who gives a shit about Golden cookies. I know I don't. You know I don't. I know you might think you do, but you actually don't. They're definitely the lamest part of this cookie, bland, tasteless.

Creme: Have you ever eaten a Blueberry pop-tart? I hope you have, because those are pretty great. The Blueberry creme in the Blueberry Pie Oreo is like a lighter, less intense version of that filling, but with the nasty Oreo finish common in fruit varieties. That said, this creme isn't "bad," so much as it is totally unremarkable.

Milk Taste-Test: My lactose intolerance has become so intense that I can't actually have milk with Oreos anymore. I'll make an exception when an exceptional cookie comes along, but that is not this cookie.

Gorgeability: Not happening.

Verdict: 2 / 5 Oreos.  This was an unexceptional Oreo. I appreciate Nabisco branching into further fruit flavors; perhaps someday we will finally see Cherry, which I once had an intensely emotional dream about. But that's a story for another day.

Strawberry Shortcake Oreo: Short on Cake, Straw on Be - wait, what?

Strawberry Shortcake Oreos



History: Strawberry Shortcake Oreos were officially released on April 4th, 2016. They were the first 'spring' flavor of the year. In terms of 'strawberry' Oreo chronology, they are the fourth major release featuring the flavor, after 2010's Strawberries & Creme,  2011's Neopolitan Triple Double, and 2014's Banana Split. There were probably more, but I never tried them.

Cookie: A regular golden cookie. Indecent. The vanilla cookie is fine, and allows for the strawberry to be fully expressed. However, it doesn't add much to the 'shortcake' dynamic. A new cookie would have been appreciated.

Creme: The Strawberry Creme makes a star appearance, with only minor flavor variation.  It tastes like the milk you slurp up after a bowl of fruity cereal. Delicious. If you're a licker, note that the strawberry creme has a much softer, smoother texture than most cremes, which can tend to be a bit chalky. All-in-all, an excellent creme, if a little high on the 'sweet' scale. If you are averse to fake fruit flavors this might be more tolerable than most Oreos, but only by a smidgen.

Milk Taste-Test: Delicious, but not necessary. It only makes it taste more like the result of a finished bowel of Fruity Pebbles. Your mileage may vary.

Gorgeability: I ate two servings when I first opened the package. I could have eaten more but it hurt my tummy.

Verdict: 3/5. An inessential but inoffensive entry into the fruit Oreo canon. Essentially a re-release of Strawberry. Definitely the best since the legendary Strawberries & Creme Oreos, but inferior due to the lack of plain creme to mitigate the sweetness factor.

Lemon Oreos: Don't Forget Your Dentures, Grandma.

Lemon Oreos.



History: First released in 2012, the Lemon Twist Oreo became a permanent member of the Oreo family in 2013. The Lemon Cookie is a classic variety in the sandwich cookie world. Like Golden, these were a no-brainer. Unlike Golden, they totally rock. 

Cookie: A classic golden cookie. Nothing to write home about.

Creme: The Lemon Creme is both tart and sweet. It's the perfect level of lemon flavoring, without being an odd and overwhelming experience. It goes well with tea, milk, and, well, pretty much anything. It is a relaxing creme. You can eat it forever. It makes you feel classy; it's the kind of cookie a sweet old grandmother might have at her house; not too sweet, not too weird, and not a cookie you appreciate until you're a bit older.

Milk Taste Test: Decent! Not necessary, but decent. 

Gorgability: I brought a ziploc full of these to "Batman v. Superman," and by the end of the movie I had eaten all of them. Then again, I might have been eating away the pain of watching the crap. But the deliciousness of the Lemon Creme Oreo certainly did not deter me.

Summary: 3/5. A high '3.' I would never say the Lemon is a must-buy, or a frequent buy, but it is a decent buy.


Note: My Failure


The "Lemon Twist w/ Chocolate Cookie" Oreo is the only variant I have missed in the past six years. It never came to the Hoosier market. I managed to duplicate the basic concept by buying Frankensteining myself one using Lemon Twist and Chocolate Creme Oreos, but I doubt it was the same. Someday I will try these. Someday.

Fruit Punch Oreo: You'll Never Be a Kid Again.

Fruit Punch Oreo


















History: The Fruit Punch Oreo tasted like summers that will never come again. Friends and places you cannot return to. Childhood dreams, remembered in one blast of red-gold sugary goodness. It was a unique kind of cookie. It first appeared in 2014. I brought it to Half-Price Books for my coworkers to try; it wasn't a popular one. Oh Well.

Cookie: Classic Golden Oreo. As always, bland and relatively flavorless. Especially against the overwhelming force of Fruit Punch.

Creme: Visually, the Fruit Punch Oreo was the prettiest Oreo. Ever. The odd pink color of the creme was both pleasing to the eye, and precisely how it tasted.  It tasted pink, punchy; like a pixie stick. It has the same level of sugary sweetness as a pixie stick, of course, which means it was a one-and-done kinda Oreo cookie. Unlike other flavors, however, the taste is strong enough to make that one cookie meaningful and memorable.

Milk Taste Test: I never actually dipped these in milk.

Gorgability: I ate very few.

Summary: 3/5 stars. A classic novelty flavor, one I avidly hope makes a reappearance some summer down the line.

Chocolate Creme Oreos: Fine.

History: I cannot find a direct history of the "Chocolate Creme" Oreo, but I never noticed or tried them before 2010. I'm sure they've existed in other forms over the years. 

Cookie: Classic chocolate cookie.

Creme: Packaged chocolate creme cookies rarely sit well with me - there's often something off about the chocolate. EL Fudge cookies, for example, have a very dry chocolate filling. It doesn't sit well on the tongue. Mixed with the very, very 'fake' chocolate flavor....

Not a great mix.

When I first tried Chocolate Creme Oreos in 2010, I found the chocolate filling to be comparable. When I bought a pack this year I was pleasantly surprised to find the creme much improved. It's not great on its own, so forget licking the cookies, but as part of the mixture it makes for a pleasant enough cookie. The chocolate flavor is minimal, but at the least the creme has the same smooth 'feeling' as the traditional Oreo creme. 

Milk Taste Test: Decent, but not a notable improvement over eating them dry.

Gorgabiliy: I didn't tend to find myself tempted to eat more than a serving (2 cookies) at any given time.

Rating: 3/5. The Chocolate Creme Cookie suffers from being a decent but unremarkable member of the Oreo family. Good for something different, but not a must-buy.

Mega Stuf Oreo: What the Stuf?

Mega Stuf Oreo


History: The Mega Stuf Oreo was introduced in 2013. It is available in both chocolate and Golden varieties. The Mega Stuf features roughly 2.5x stuf. It's not a significantly larger cookie, but it does have a significantly different taste. Basically, too much too much too much Stuf. I might as well have bought a tube of Stuf and eaten it plain. Which I would do in a heartbeat.

Cookie: Both chocolate and Golden are available, and taste about standard.

Creme: Both varieties of Mega Oreos are vanilla creme only. The amount of creme is overwhelmingly sweet, to the point of rendering the full cookie nearly tasteless.

Milk Taste Test: Delicious, but not significantly different than regular Double Stuf Oreos.

Gorgabiliy: Not a pleasant eating experience. A single serving (2 cookies) feels like a gorge as it is.

Rating: 2/5. Something all Oreo fans had wanted to see just to see it, but definitely proof that something enough stuf is enough stuf.

Filled Cupcake Oreo: A Little Creme Filling Goes a Long Way

Filled Cupcake Oreo



History: Look at my beautiful fingers in that picture. Clearly, I put a lot of time into it. Anyway. The "Filled Cupcake Oreo" was introduced in early 2016, and marks another 'first' for the Oreo brand: two-textured creme filling. Holey moley, Nabisco, slow down. You're starting to scare me.

Cookie: A traditional chocolate cookie.

Creme: Filled Cupcake Oreos feature a cupcake chocolate outer ring, with a middle dollop of smooth vanilla creme in the center. I don't really like Oreo chocolate filling; it is either too dry or too rich, or both. Neither of which are preferred qualities when it comes to snack cookies. The texture of the outer ring is traditional Oreo creme; the middle is a bit softer, not far from the filling in this variant's namesake. Feeling the softer creme hit your tongue is, I admit, a very pleasing experience. But flavor-wise, the Filled Cupcake Oreo doesn't have much on traditional chocolate Oreos.

Milk Taste Test: Not necessary, but about as effective as milk is on making basic chocolate Oreos better, which is to say, minimally.

Gorgability: Too rich to really gorge. I ended up trashing my package a few cookies in.

Rating: 2/5.  Worth trying, but nothing worth buying a second time.

Cinnamon Bun Oreo: A Delicious Bun-dle of Fun New Oreo Flavors!

Cinnamon Bun Oreo



History: The Cinnamon Bun Oreo was introduced in January, 2016.

Cookie: The Cinnamon Bun Oreo was the first to introduce a cinnamon cookie. The cinnamon cookie is lightly cinnamon, nowhere near the more powerful snack-pack flavor of, say, cinnamon teddy grahams. A friend of mine who dislikes cinnamon tried one of these cookies and said they weren't too strong, so I feel comfortable saying this: everybody loves them. Except my sister, who didn't.

Creme: The Cinnamon Bun Oreo has a slightly different creme, made to taste like vanilla icing. It's a much more potent 'vanilla icing' flavor than the traditional vanilla creme in regular oreos. It is delicious. The closest I can come to describing this creme is that the Cinnamon Bun Oreo as a whole tastes like the old snack product "Dunkaroos." If you are unfamiliar, you should make an effort to hunt them down.

Milk Taste Test: Decent in milk! But not a necessity. The cinnamon cookie does not interact with milk in a substantial way, unlike chocolate.

Gorgability: I found the Cinnamon Bun Oreo to be a fun flavor, but not one I needed to eat an entire pack of to truly appreciate. However, my sister's boyfriend did. Your mileage may vary.

Rating: 3 / 5: An adequate and delicious speciality flavor. Definitely on the higher end of Dessert-Varieties. Unique.

Heads or Tails Oreos are Pure Garbage

Heads or Tails Oreo



History: Heads or Tails Oreos are, like Golden, an 'Oreo Take' on a classic sandwich cookie. Vanilla cookie, vanilla creme, chocolate cookie. It's an obvious variant that is, obviously, awful. Heads or Tails came about in 2009 or 2010, when I was in college. I immediately tried some, and was put off by the way the combined chocolate and vanilla flavors produce an odd, overly-sweet, glue-like flavor. Gross. I bought another package a week ago. Maybe my memories weren't being fair. But my memory for Oreos is spotless. Heads or Tails Oreos totally blow.

Cookie: The chocolate cookie has an oddly muted flavor, even when separated from the cookie. The Golden, as always, is weird and bland and not particularly good. Somehow its blandness seeps into the chocolate cookie. What a waste.

Creme: Vanilla creme, double-stuf. I already have strong feelings regarding double-stuf (Chocolate are mediocre, Golden are great), and this definitely belongs in the 'mediocre' category. The lousy cookies don't interact well with the creme.

Milk Taste Test: I'm lactose intolerant, so really, any milk taste test for me is defined by the simple question: "Is this cookie worth massive dietary pain just to dip it in milk?" The answer for Heads or Tails is no. The expanded answer is that these cookies give me dietary pain just looking at them.

Gorgability: I threw away the package soon after opening it, because eating them wasn't a pleasurable experience.

In Summary: a solid 1/5, would never buy again.

I Just Ate an Entire Packages of Mint Oreos and You Should Too.

Mint Oreo

History: Mint Oreos were originally introduced as 'double delight mint & creme' Oreos, which featured half Mint, half regular creme. A few years ago they dispensed with that nonsense and repackaged them as Mint Creme Oreos. The flavor is the same, but now the creme is green, rather than half green and half white. Oh well. Mint are a permanent flavor, and can be found anywhere. They taste like multi-textured Thin Mints. They are perfect.

Cookie: A chocolate cookie. 

Creme: The Mint creme Oreo is a lightly minty flavor, equitable to a weaker-mint Thin Mint. Each Mint Oreo has roughly 1.5x-2x creme. They're not precisely Double-Stuf but close enough. The creme flavor mixes astonishingly well with the cookie. It doesn't overwhelm, like many other creme flavors. 

Milk Taste Test: The green food coloring in the creme makes your milk turn a very pleasant greenish tint. Who doesn't enjoy drinking green milk?

Gorgability: It is very difficult to stop eating Mint Oreos. Sometimes I simply don't.

Conclusion: A 5 out of 5 Oreo. Easily the best standard variant flavor. Pure, delightful pleasure.

The Double-Stuf Golden Oreo: Nothing Short of a Masterpiece

History: I included a packaging picture on this review because it's so beautiful to me. That splash of pink; that giant, over-stuffed cookie. Fond memories of college, when I first started this Oreo escapade. The Golden Double-Stuf was an obligation; I had to try them all, so I finally bought a package of these just to try them. WOW! While the regular Golden is an underwhelming trash cookie, adding an extra helping of creme turns the whole damn thing around. According to Wikipedia these were first released in August 2009. I first ate them in 2010, so I hopped on this train early. Sweet!

The Golden Double Stuf Oreo

The Cookie: There is no difference from this cookie and the regular Golden oreo. However, its generally bland flavor is perfect for the amount of creme added.

The Creme: Full disclosure: I'm not a big fan of regular Double-Stuf Oreos. I think it's too much per cookie with regards to creme intensity and cookie flavor. However, the Golden Double Stuf is a perfect mixture. The golden Oreo cookie has no basic flavor, so you get the full blast of creme without the cookie added to it. It's a work of beauty.

Milk Taste-Test: Dip them in milk. Dip them in ice creme. Dip them in milkshakes. Dip them in coffee. Dip them in anything creamy.

Gorgability: Back in college, I occasionally ate them for breakfast.

Rating: 5/5. One of the few perfect Oreo cookie products.

Oreo Thins: The One Package Snack

History: The "Oreo Thin" was released in summer 2015. Three variants are available: regular, mint, and golden.

The Oreo Thin

Cookie: Mint & Regular Oreo Thins rely on a half-thick chocolate cookie; Golden relies on a half-thick golden cookie. Golden Thins are as mediocre as Golden Oreos, so we'll just ignore them for the purpose of this review.

My primary concern going into my first Thins experience was that the halved cookies would maintain a strong chocolatey taste, while the halved creme would loose all impact on the flavor of the cookie. Boy, was I wrong. The pleasant surprise about Oreo Thins is that the smaller cookie means less chalky break-up in your mouth (a common problem with regular Oreos), meaning you don't need to brush your teeth after eating an entire package. The flavor is about the same, and the ratio of cookie to creme taste remains consistent. The only downside to Oreo Thins is that they're relatively limited in eating variety; you can't really separate them like a regular Oreo. You can, however, flip them like a coins. So that's cool.

Creme: Either Vanilla or Mint. Both carry their weight, but I want to highlight Mint. The Mint Oreo Thin is the closest we have to an adequate Thin Mint replacement 11 months out of the year. An all-around all-star mint snack cookie.

Milk Taste-Test: The harder consistency of the Oreo Thin means that it doesn't break apart in milk the same way that regular Oreos do. However, they're not really made for dipping. They'd work well as a garnish for an ice cream sundae.

Gorgability: Of course you should gorge these. They're made smaller so you can eat a regular serving and feel less gluttonous. HAHAHA. Now that they're bite-sized, eating an entire package is easier. And less guilt-inducing! Do it to it.

Rating: 4 for Mint, 3 for Regular, 2 for Golden.

Limeade Oreos: The Best of 2014

History: The Limeade Oreo was first made available in late summer 2014. I had a lot of luck finding them throughout the remainder of that autumn in other markets, notably Columbus, OH, and Muncie, IN, which were actually the only other two places I spent any time in during Fall 2014. What a sample size.

The Limeade Oreo: 

Overall Flavor: The Limeade Oreo is a Golden cookie with "Limeade" filling. It was my favorite Oreo variant in 2014, a shockingly crisp cookie that felt like a successful concept. Most of Oreo's fruit flavors underwhelm - the Limeade did not.  

Taste of Cookie: It's a Golden Cookie. Golden Cookies on their own aren't great, but function as adequate delivery mechanism for stronger frosting. This is one case where Golden was the appropriate choice. 

Taste of Creme: Unbelievable. Smooth, refreshing - like a glass of limeade! Wow!

Milk Taste-Test: I never dipped these in milk, but it feels unnecessary. Unless you put milk in your limeade. 

Gorgability: I did eat an entire package in one sitting. 

Rating: 4/5

Golden Oreos: Who Gives a Shit

History:
Golden Oreos are a no-brainer. Vanilla sandwich cookies are common in other cookie brands and there's zero reason for Oreo not to capitalize on that market. Unfortunately, whoever made Golden Oreos was also a no-brainer. Originally marketed as “Uh-Oh Oreos,” with Vanilla Cookies & Chocolate Creme, these cookies were rebranded Golden in 2007 and released with vanilla creme. Since that time they have taken up shelf space, underwhelming any self respecting snack cookie connoisseur.

The Golden Oreo

Cookie: The Vanilla cookie is the weakest in the Oreo catalog. It isn't fundamentally terrible - there are good uses of it - but as the carrying taste of the cookie it just doesn't please. Another problem I have is that it is not uncommon to pack of Golden Oreos or any Variant featuring golden cookies (Orange Creamsicle, Key Lime, Heads or Tails, etc.) and find yourself crunching down on a stale cookie. For whatever reason, Golden cookies just lack the quality craftmanship of the chocolate, graham, red velvet, and cinnamon cookies.

Creme:  Vanilla crème. Unfortunately, the flavor of a golden cookie is bland - it requires a strong frosting to make it work. Vanilla creme in standard amounts does not work. 

Milk Test: Milk only barely improves the Golden experience.

Gorgability: Given the standard (1x) creme and calorie count, Golden Oreos could be consumed in mass amounts. But I wouldn't recommend it.

Conclusion: 2 out of 5. 

Alternate Recipes:
I've heard you can use Golden Oreos in pie crust. I've never tried it.

Red Velvet Oreos: A Yearlong Valentine

History:
The Red Velvet Oreo was introduced in February 2015 to coincide with Valentine's Day. It is a wholly unique Oreo cookie, utilizing a 'red velvet chocolate' cookie with creme-cheese icing, neither of which have been used in other Oreo variants. It was made a permanent addition to the Oreo family in 2016. As such, one could say that it is to the Oreo family as Valentine's Day is to yearly holidays: something some people enjoy, but nobody's favorite.

The Red Velvet Oreo

Cookie: To my discerning buds, the Red Velvet cookie tasted only slightly different than the classic chocolate cookie. It does have a hint of 'red velvet' flavor, but nothing to write home about.

Creme: The special 'creme cheese' flavoring of the Red Velvet stuf is creamier in texture than traditional Oreo stuf. To its credit it does taste a bit like creme cheese icing. Like all Oreo Variants, there is 1.5x stuf in the Red Velvet Oreo. This allows for the creme cheese flavor to express itself.  One of Oreo's better variant icings. 

Milk Test: Milk did not significantly alter the enjoyability of the Red Velvet Oreo. However, one could see a dollop of whipped creme doing wonders for the cookie.

Goregability: A little too unique in flavor to gorge. It would make a decent desert, but I can't imagine mindlessly eating an entire package of them while watching Netflix. 

Conclusion:
3 out of 5. 

Alternate Recipes:

I have not experimented with the Red Velvet Oreo at this time.

Neopolitan Triple-Double Oreos: The Worst Idea Oreo Ever Had

History:

The Nepolitan Triple-Double Oreo was the last form of Triple-Double Oreo released. It made its debut in Summer 2011. I first tried the Nepolitan Triple-Double after finding them at Wal Mart in Westfield, Indiana. I' had been searching for a few weeks; it may well have been the first flavor I specifically set out to find.  I've always been a fan of Neopolitan; the sense that chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla are inherent partners in taste was ingrained in my mind early on. Not so with this Oreo. Not so.

The Neopolitan Triple-Double

Cookie: The Neopolitan's vanilla comes from its Golden cookies. Nothing out of the norm here, except for the fact that there are three cookies. It remains the sole 'Golden' cookie in the Triple-Double family. 

Creme: The Neopolitan Triple Double's greatest weakness is the Strawberry creme. Horrendous. Oreo's most consistent problem with its fruit flavorings are that they are oftentimes too sweet. This strawberry is the poster child. It tastes like sugar. Not a hint of fake Strawberry.  Unfortunately, the Strawberry is not balanced out by the general blandness of Oreo's chocolate flavor filling or Golden cookie. Instead, these two already inferior tastes mesh with the nasty strawberry to make a truly lousy cookie. 

Milk Test: While the cookie dipped, it was not helped by the addition of milk. 

Goregability: The triple-doubles are, in general, too large to be properly gorgeable. The Neopolitan isn't even worth trying.

Conclusion:
1 out of 5. 

Alternate Recipes:

Why bother.

Regular Oreos: Milk's Favorite Cookie

There is no better baseline for establishing my critical Oreo eye than the classic Oreo.



History:

A brief history of Milk's favorite cookie. Oreos were first introduced by Nabisco in 1912. Contrary to most Nabisco propaganda, Oreos were not the first biscuit of their type. Hydrox, a similar-but-inferior product beat them to the market in 1908 (Contemporary Hydrox suck). Despite being late to bat, the Oreo far surpassed the popularity of Hydrox. They've gone strong for over 100 years. Wow!

Wikipedia also claims Oreos ended the Cold War, but that's because I just updated it to say so. They probably took it down by now.

The Regular Oreo:

The Regular Oreo, or "Classic," consists of two chocolate wafers with a little bit of vanilla creme sandwiched between them. It's a little larger than bite sized, but don't let that stop you. I don't. I once almost choked to death on an Oreo, which was really stupid but would have been oddly poetic.

Cookie: the classic Oreo chocolate wafer is, in my mind, the weakest part of the cookie. That is not to say that it's bad, it just isn't special. If you eat too many, it starts to taste like cardboard. When separated from the creme and mixed into other desserts it becomes an asset, but as it stands the classic chocolate wafer is just fine. Fine, but nothing notable on its own.

Creme: The oddly chalky texture aside, classic creme is delicious. The "vanilla" in the vanilla creme is not noticeable, but that doesn't stop the stuf from being good.

Milk Test: Perfectly designed. People shit on GMO's and chemically modified crops, but the Oreo is a perfect testament to why we should design all our food in laboratories. The cookie does not sog too quickly, but does soften enough to make the texture pleasantly semi-mush.

Goregability: The package argues that 3 Oreo cookies is a serving, totaling in at 160 calories. So about 53 calories a piece. This implies that a 2000-a-day diet would really allow for only one serving of oreos, but if you skip breakfast or eat a light lunch you can easily incorporate, like, half a package into that diet and only break your limit by a hair. The Classic Oreo tastes good enough to accomplish a binge but is not so flavorful enough to become unpleasant. Truly, the world's most gorgeable cookie.

Conclusion:
4 out of 5. 
Truly, the classic Oreo is a testament to two mediocre ingredients creating something "more." It is infinitely edible. The start of it all, and still an essential member of the Oreo family.

Alternate Recipes:

Obviously too many to count! Regular Oreo is all sorts of awesome for mixing. I'll incorporate these into a future entry.

How I Review an Oreo

Taste of Cookie plain: How do the cookies hold up? Are they delicious without crème? Inevitably a perfect split will leave you with one creme-less cookie, so they'd better be worth it.

Taste of Creme plain: Does the crème have a pleasant texture to it? Does the crème taste good on its own? Would I eat a bucket if packaged separately?

Milk Taste-Test: Does it do better in milk? Worse? Is it worth it?

Gorge-ability: Would I eat an entire package in one sitting?

Conclusion and Ranking.

Oreo Ranking Scale

1 (No thank you) 

2 (A noble effort)

3 (Average Oreo)

4 (Oreos worth buying on a weekly basis)

5 (Both excellent, and unique)


There you have it. 

Oreo Family

Let's break it down.

"Oreos" are a franchise food. Plenty of product exists containing Oreos. Some good, some bad, most at the very least edible. For the purpose of Bloreog, I'll be focusing on the Oreo Cookies. These cookies can be broken down into families for easy tagging & description.

Basic Product Families: 

Classic (Chocolate cookie. Vanilla Creme).

Regular

Double-Stuf

Reduced Fat

Golden (Gold cookie)

Golden

Double-Stuf Golden

Golden w/ Chocolate

Triple Double (3 Cookies, Varying Cremes)

Triple Double

Mint/Chocolate Triple Double

Neopolitan Triple Double

Mega Stuf (3x Creme)
Regular
Golden
Heads or Tails

Thins (wafer-sized cookies)

Regular

Golden

Mint

Variants (any variant of the traditional formula, usually 1.5x stuft) 

Perennials (Permanent Variant Flavors)

Chocolate Oreo

Peanut Butter Oreo

Reeses Cup Oreo

Mint Creme 

Lemon Twist
Heads or Tails

Seasonal (Chocolate Cookie, Colored Vanilla Creme)

Spring

Summer

Halloween

Winter

Dessert-based:

Cookie Dough

Root Beer Float

Cookies & Creme

Key Lime Pie

Limeade

Red Velvet

Gingerbread
Candy Corn

Birthday Cake

Strawberry Milkshake (2010)

Orange Cremesicle

Blizzard Creme

Brownie Batter

Banana Split

Pumpkin Spice

Cotton Candy

S”mores Oreo

Marshmellow Crispie

Toasted Coconut

Filled Cupcake

Cinnamon Bun

Berry Berry Sherbert
Rainbow Shrbert

Fruit-based 

Caramel Apple Oreo

Fruit Punch

Watermelon

Rainbow Sure, Bert!

Berry

Chocolate-Covered (Oreos released with chocolate covering)

Fudge Cremes: (one cookie, dab of creme, covered in chocolate)

Coconut

Raspberry

Birthday Cake

Mint

Regular

Golden

~*White-Chocolate Holiday Oreo*~

Bloreog

I love Oreos.

I love them fresh, right out of the package. Those new re-sealable packages are nice and all, but once air hits the Oreo it's all over. Fresh is where it's at. Fresh is what I want. I love all types of Oreos. I love them plain, deep fried, covered in chocolate. I'll eat them split or whole. Heck, they're the most versatile snack dessert out there. Gooey marshmellow oreo bars, Oreo brownies, the elusive Oreo Curro, Orero Ice Creme Bars, Oreo Blizzards. All of these foods are good on their own; they do what they do. But with Oreos added in...shazam.

It goes without saying that I love dipping them into milk. I'm lactose intolerant, whatever: Oreos are just the best.

For the last ten years I have actively pursued every new flavor released by Nabisco. Watermelon (Summer 2012), Fruit Punch (2013), Gingerbread (2014/2015) Banana Split (2014), Neapolitan Triple-Double (Fall 2011). Strawberry Sundae (2010). Memories. Some good, some bad. Always Oreo.

I've always kept a dossier in my mind about which Oreos are worth eating and which aren't worth eating. After so long, and so many delicious combinations of cardboard cookie and chaulky creme, Ithink it's time to actively write about them.

Bloreog will chronicle each flavor of Oreo I have had the pleasure to try, past, present, and future. Each entry will include a review, availability, history, and maybe even fun recipes.