Regular Oreos: Milk's Favorite Cookie

There is no better baseline for establishing my critical Oreo eye than the classic Oreo.



History:

A brief history of Milk's favorite cookie. Oreos were first introduced by Nabisco in 1912. Contrary to most Nabisco propaganda, Oreos were not the first biscuit of their type. Hydrox, a similar-but-inferior product beat them to the market in 1908 (Contemporary Hydrox suck). Despite being late to bat, the Oreo far surpassed the popularity of Hydrox. They've gone strong for over 100 years. Wow!

Wikipedia also claims Oreos ended the Cold War, but that's because I just updated it to say so. They probably took it down by now.

The Regular Oreo:

The Regular Oreo, or "Classic," consists of two chocolate wafers with a little bit of vanilla creme sandwiched between them. It's a little larger than bite sized, but don't let that stop you. I don't. I once almost choked to death on an Oreo, which was really stupid but would have been oddly poetic.

Cookie: the classic Oreo chocolate wafer is, in my mind, the weakest part of the cookie. That is not to say that it's bad, it just isn't special. If you eat too many, it starts to taste like cardboard. When separated from the creme and mixed into other desserts it becomes an asset, but as it stands the classic chocolate wafer is just fine. Fine, but nothing notable on its own.

Creme: The oddly chalky texture aside, classic creme is delicious. The "vanilla" in the vanilla creme is not noticeable, but that doesn't stop the stuf from being good.

Milk Test: Perfectly designed. People shit on GMO's and chemically modified crops, but the Oreo is a perfect testament to why we should design all our food in laboratories. The cookie does not sog too quickly, but does soften enough to make the texture pleasantly semi-mush.

Goregability: The package argues that 3 Oreo cookies is a serving, totaling in at 160 calories. So about 53 calories a piece. This implies that a 2000-a-day diet would really allow for only one serving of oreos, but if you skip breakfast or eat a light lunch you can easily incorporate, like, half a package into that diet and only break your limit by a hair. The Classic Oreo tastes good enough to accomplish a binge but is not so flavorful enough to become unpleasant. Truly, the world's most gorgeable cookie.

Conclusion:
4 out of 5. 
Truly, the classic Oreo is a testament to two mediocre ingredients creating something "more." It is infinitely edible. The start of it all, and still an essential member of the Oreo family.

Alternate Recipes:

Obviously too many to count! Regular Oreo is all sorts of awesome for mixing. I'll incorporate these into a future entry.