Love, Oreo
history:
Love, Oreo is the
latest in a line of ambiguous Oreo flavors designed to attract
curious consumers. A few years ago Nabiso released Mystery Oreo, which
turned out to be Fruity Pebble. A goddamn re-release. Guess what: Love, Oreo is another goddamn re-release. Is it right for
Nabisco to co-opt the concept of Love as a way of selling a repeat variant of their signature snack cookie? I've bought every single
flavor of Oreo released in the past seven years, so I can't give you a straight answer on that.
I considered reviewing these Oreos
erotically, maybe describing the way my tongue pleasantly licked the
pink tartness or bringing up an “oreo-face” or calling it a
“gangbang of flavors.” But I'm not into Love, Oreo. I could sit here pounding away on my couch but it's tough to get it going without passion.
Like I said: Love, Oreo is a repackaged flavor, essentially a slightly
fruitier version of the evergreen Lemon flavor. These might have been
developed as Pink Lemonade Oreo at one point and then pushed out of
the schedule because they found something more interesting to
release this summer (I hope they're bringing S'Moreos back after a
3-year hiatus).
To me that's not Love. Being
repackaged with a special name to make me all excited
but then the same old, same old. Grumpier people might make jokes to make about how that's the natural trajectory of all
relationships or some cynical bullshit but I don't believe that and
generally that isn't what I've witnessed in a majority of the
long-term romances I've seen. Certainly not my romance with Oreo, a
cookie I actively crave day in and day out. I will always Love Oreo but I'll never Love, Oreo again.
cookie:
chocolate, baby!
Crème:
Pink and lemony.
Milk-dunk test:
I didn't bother.
Gorgeability:
I ate several over time but I'm on a
goddamn diet.
I liked them. Then again, I had just eaten wasabi and chicken wing Oreos.
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