Salted Carmel Oreo Thins are Fine.

Salted Caramel Oreo Thins

History: The first flavor released exclusively to the "Thin" line, Salted Caramel struck me as a sure-fire hit. And it is! It is available at Meijer stores.

Cookie: A thin golden. My usual critique of the Golden cookie stands.

Creme: Salted Carmel is hard to get right - a lot of attempts end up either too sweet or flavorless. Nabisco's done it right here. It's just the right caramel flavor. The only problem is that the combination with Golden cookie creates a long-lasting aftertaste that is distinct and unpleasant.

Gorgability: A few of my coworkers couldn't stop eating these. I was pretty content after just one.

Verdict: 3/5

Peeps Oreos: A Tasty Treat 4 ur Peep (s)

Peeps Oreos

History: 

Peeps Oreos are a special Easter flavor introduced in time for Spring 2017. They are the second "D-Grade Candy" flavor in the last six months, following the truly detestable Swedish Fish flavor. I hate Peeps, but I'll eat marshmallows all day long.

Cookie: Golden!

Creme: Quite special. Going into the cookie I expected something similar to the 'marshmallow crispie' variety from 2015. That cookie wasn't great - far, far too sweet, and if you've read my reviews you're probably familiar with my sensitivity to Oreo sweetness. It is, by far, the most common shortcoming  seen in new Oreo varieties. Peeps Oreos, thankfully, don't exhibit that problem! The marshmallow creme actually tastes like marshmallows without going overboard. It is as close as we'll ever come to just putting a marshmallow between two Oreo cookies.

Thankfully they don't taste like Peeps, which are shitty and nowhere near as good as pure marshmallows.

Additionally, the hot pink creme also has the slightest texture of hard sugar like the Peep candy. It's enough to be noticeable, but it isn't enough to feel unpleasant.

Gorgability: I couldn't stop and now I'm a giant marshmallow.

Verdict: 4/5

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Oreos: More Like Chocolate Covered Strawberry Blah-reos.

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Oreo

History: 

There was a dire 'new Oreo' drought between September 2016 and January 2017. The regular holiday flavors were re-released (Peppermint, Red Creme, and White Chocolate-covered calorie bombs), but we didn't see any new flavors. It sucked.

That long wait is over! Just in time for a the Valentines Day product blitz, Nabisco has released "Chocolate Covered Strawberry (CCS)" flavored Oreos just for me, like some kind of romantic apology for abdicating their duties during the darkest months of 2016. Will I forgive them? Read on.

Cookie: A chocolate cookie. I'm glad they chose to go with the chocolate cookie because as I've previously documented in these fine annals, I don't really like the other cookies all that much.

Creme:

The one positive thing I have to say is that they adopt the ingenious double-creme technique from last year's edible "creme filled cupcake" Oreo. These Oreos feature a dollop of strawberry frosting surrounded by a sea of chocolate. It's more fun to eat for "twist-and-lick" Oreo eater.

However, there are missed opportunities with the CCS Oreo. The first is that there isn't a texture difference between the two flavors, which is what helps make this kind of creme dispersal fun. If you aren't going to make them different, why not just go with the more visually appealing 'half and half' design from the original dual-flavor Oreos and the more recent Reese's Cup Oreos?

The second is that the actual flavors are just recycled strawberry and chocolate flavors from previously available cookies. Which means they kind of suck. The strawberry is too sweet, the chocolate too muted and chalky. Ultimately the experience of eating these cookies is ruined by how lame they taste - there's just nothing worth writing home about. I was hoping they had managed to change the Strawberry formula, but no. They did not.

Gorgability: I ate two of these and threw the rest away.

Verdict: 1/5

Halloween Oreo, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Eat Oreos

Halloween Oreo

History:

I do not know what year the Halloween Oreo first came into existence; likely 2008 or 2009, when Oreo started diversifying the line. The whole schtick – Orange + Black = Halloween, woo – is so simple that it may be much older. I think, but cannot verify, that these were the first 'seasonal' variant of the regular Oreo. They remain the best.

My first experience with the Halloween Oreo was 2010, when my relationship Oreo thing really started. My college roommate, Jeff, would always buy Oreos for our apartment (well, for him. I just ate them. Don't worry, I contributed some later on). Halloween Oreos came into my life during that lovely fall, when I started trying every Oreo at the Muncie Meijer. I'm not big into drinking, or socializing, or Muncie, and college up until that point had been a mess of stress, anxiety, and misery, so collecting Oreos was a fun pass-time. It also helped connect me to my sister, Ellen, who was at school 10 hours away and has a similar obsessive affinity to Pop-Tarts. In the hot mess of finding yourself during college, Oreos played a substantial role. 

During the fall of 2010 I also watched every movie starring Guy Pearce up until that point, met my college girlfriend, travelled widely, and found a home with the BSU Anthropology Department. It was a breakthrough year.

It was an important fall. 

That nostalgia is why I always say that the Halloween Oreo is one of my favorite Oreos. Objectively they are precisely the same cookie as regular 1.5x or 2x Stuf Oreos, but with colored creme. But food is not an objective experience. I don't eat Oreos just because I find them delicious; I eat Oreos because they make me happy.  I don't know many of the people I knew back then. Many of the important places have already changed after six years. My world and experiences are completely different. I don't think of them very frequently anymore, but I do when I eat the Halloween Oreos. 

So, I love Halloween Oreos.  You likely don't have the same connection to them; maybe you have a different connection, or no connection at all. But they are a foundational cookie in my Oreo experience, and one that makes me happy to see on store shelves each and every year.

Cookie: A chocolate cookie. The only notable difference is that these Oreos have fancy Halloween designs on them.

Creme: Bright-orange Creme. I think the color makes the crème taste better.

Gorgability: I ate half a pack last night. Remember, two Oreos is a serving, so you should eat twelve at a time.

Verdict: 5/5.

Candy Corn Oreos: Corny Candy Oreos.

Candy Corn Oreos 

History: Candy Corn Oreos first showed up in Fall 2014, and I hated them then. They were re-released this year, and I hate them now. The thing about Candy Corn is that it is, well. It is downright delicious. I love it; a perfect texture, a perfect sugary sweet flavor. It's so good! I can eat Candy Corn by the handful. I can eat Candy Corn until it makes me sick. You would think an Oreo would just be two delicious Oreo cookies with some Candy Corn smooshed between them but...well, read on.

Cookie: Vanilla cookies, the old standby for "exciting flavor requires bland cookie."

Creme: Blandly sweet, much like other strange flavors. So you don't get the proper flavor of Candy Corn. Additionally, the texture is all wrong. Regular Oreo texture just does not manage to convey the pure pleasure of the Candy Corn experience. The aftertaste and, well, after-burp just don't do it any favors either. Might as well eat a jar of sugar.

Milk Taste-Test: No.

Gorgeability: None. Just buy a bag of Candy Corn.

Verdict: 2/5 Oreos.

Pumpkin Spice Oreo: The Delicious Taste of Autumn

Pumpkin Spice Oreo

History: The Pumpkin Spice Oreo first showed up in stores during Fall 2014. I was excited. Pumpkin is a good flavor. It seemed appropriate for Oreo to hop on the bandwagon. Unlike many flavors, it seems Pumpkin Spice Oreo is a permanent seasonal flavor. Few variants have made the leap from temporary to annual; hopefully Caramel Apple manages to do so this year, too.

Cookie: A golden cookie. Perfectly fine as a carrier for the delicious Pumpkin creme. 

Creme: Fake Pumpkin with a distinct hint of cinnamon. It's not as good as, say, Pumpkin Pie, or even as good as Pumpkin coffee drinks, but it's good. Real good. Now that it's been around for a few years, I find it tied to happy fall memories. The right kind of cookie. 

Milk Taste-Test: Pretty great! If I may be so crazy as to suggest it, try dipping these into coffee. 

Gorgeability: Last time I owned them I actually put them into a ziploc so they would keep longer. I savored them. 

Verdict: 3/5 Oreos. 

Swedish Fish Oreos: An Affront to God.

History: The Swedish Fish Oreo was released in August 2016, to a surprising amount of Twitter fanfare. Much like our Republican nominee this year, Oreo has found that the only way to keep attention on itself is by releasing more and more outlandish flavors. “Swedish Fish” is a choice. If you are not familiar, Swedish Fish are gummy candy with a mysterious flavor (wikipedia purports it is ligonberry, but nobody really knows). They're a wine gummy, so they have a firmness to their texture not unlike gumdrops. I'm not a big fan, but will eat them if they're around. Anyway. Their mysterious flavor (and odor) is notably unique. Oreo must have decided that would b an appropriate partner for their classic cookie. They were wrong.

Cookie: Classic chocolaty goodness.

Creme: Sinful. And I don't mean that in a jolly, happy way – like I usually do. These cookies are an affront to God. If you don't believe in God, these will make you believe in God just so you have someone to blame, because their flavor is downright inhuman. Imagine someone melted down a bag of Swedish Fish and served it to you. That's about the best approximation I can make. It is potent beyond all reason, beyond all...god, it's so bad. And the odor is just as awful. You can smell them across the room.

Milk Taste-Test: I didn't even bother.

Gorgeability: I couldn't finish a single Oreo.

Verdict: 1 / 5 – one of the worst Oreos ever released, a stain on the brand.