The Bloreog the Oreo Blog 2018 Yeareo in Revieweog

Bloreog the Oreo Blog went on a hiatus after the dismal and disappointing Mocha Oreos in summer 2017. Sorry. I just couldn't to it anymore. My dream flavor was a nightmare. Flavors from 2017 I never reviewed: Apple Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Cookie Butter, Mystery (Fruity Pebbles), Hot Cocoa. You didn't miss much.

But I don't want to go for the whole of 2018 without providing at least one review. So I'll do you one better:

THE BLOREOG THE OREO BLOG 2018 YEAREO IN REVIEWEOG.

FLAVOR: Chocolate Hazlenut

STYLE: Golden Cookies and Nutella icing.

VERDICT: It's not like I was even able to eat this, so, none. I'm sure you might have liked them, but you can't get them anymore because they came out last February.

FLAVOR: Hot & Spicy Cinnamon

STYLE: Chocolate cookies with cinnamon icing.

VERDICT: Goddamn delicious! I at several of these. Spicey aftertaste. Particularly great if you take a box of them into a bar and dip them in a porter.

FLAVOR: Peeps Oreos 2

STYLE: Chocolate (!) Cookies with Marshmellow Frosting

VERDICT: Honestly, fantastic! I love the chocolate + purple icing combo as a visual, and I'm a fan of the gritty marsh mellow delight that are Peeps. These were some of my favorites this year.

FLAVOR: Cherry Cola

STYLE: Chocolate cookies at “cherry cola” icing.

VERDICT: I once had a dream about finding Cherry & Black Cherry oreos at the Fishers library and being forced to choose between them. This is a dream flavor of mine. It's still a dream flavor of mine – give me some of that sharp Starburst flavor cherry bullshit between two bland chocolate wafers. Slap the Oreo logo on them. Watch me sob with joy. This ain't that. The Cherry Cola Oreo is trying to approximate the flavor of Cherry Coke, which is kind of a bullshit flavor anyway. These were honestly terrible.

FLAVOR: Kettle Corn

SYLE: Golden cookies with “kettle corn” icing.

VERDICT: For some reason they wanted to make the experience as authentic to Kettle Korn as possible, which meant including what felt like real corn kernal shells in the icing to get stuck in your teeth? The flavor is mostly that of 'butter,' which made it worse. No.

FLAVOR: Pina Colada Thins

STYLE: Golden wafers with Pina Colada icing.

VERDICT: These were delicious, but I'm a fan of fake pineapple.

FLAVOR: Chocolate Peanut Bueter Pie

STYLE: Chocolate with Peanut Butter filling

VERDICT: Once again, I can't eat these, so – no. But you can still buy them at Wal Mart.

FLAVOR: Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake

STYLE: Golden + Strawberry cookies with Strawberry filling.

VERDICT: Delicious, but essentially the same flavor as the previous Strawberry flavors they've released, including the one I reviewed a few years ago here.

FLAVOR: Rocky Road Trip

STYLE: Chocolate w/ Rocky Road filling.

VERDICT: Technically the nuts in this are 'soy nut infusions,' which may well be edible for me with my allergy. But I never felt safe trying them, and by the time these came out I was on a diet and basically gave up on Oreos anyway.

FLAVOR: Peppermint Bark

STYLE: Chocolate cookies with Peppermint icing.

VERDICT: Similar to Peppermint two years ago, but with two-color icing. Whatever.

Anyway, that's my 2018 Oreo Year in Review.

Mocha Oreo :(

Mocha Oreo.

History: 

Like everyone I have daily rituals and coffee is amongst my most sacred. Not surprising. I started drinking coffee in college as an alternative to my first and truest liquid love Diet Mountain Dew, which I have been trying to kick since 2005. It didn't work and instead I developed a happy habit of drinking coffee or/and DMD every day. For the past ten years.

When I drink coffee with creme or milk (no sugar, wtf) - just enough to give it a light mocha color but not enough to remove the bitterness completely. I'll take it dark if I have to.  I have no mercurial preference for how the coffee itself tastes. I couldn't tell you how different roasts work or how certain beans differ. My taste in food has never been terribly picky (I mean, Diet Mountain Dew).

My favorite ice cream flavor is coffee (particularly Blue Bell Brand which isn't sold in Indiana anymore, apparently). When coffee isn't available mocha is generally a decent substitute - my use of milk and creme in coffee generally pushes it a little closer to a mocha-style beverage anyway. I enjoy chocolate covered espresso beans, mocha candy bars, mocha milkshakes. Most coffee-flavored or related products are on my either my 'tried' or 'to try' list.

For as long as I have enjoyed Oreo I have hoped for a coffee or mocha variant. At long last Mocha Oreo is available as the third and final 'breakfast' flavor (after Jelly Donut and Waffle & Syrup).

Cookie:

A chocolate Oreo, still the best of the bunch and perfectly suited to pair with a mocha flavor

Creme:

Bullshit. This isn't what I was hoping for. I don't mind Dunkin' Donuts but there's no question that their coffee is generally on the  burnt side (look, I don't really discern bean flavor but burnt isn't beyond my perception). I don't mind drinking burnt coffee, but somehow the Mocha Oreo has a rather tasteless creme with a harsh burnt aftertaste. It's an odd cookie experience because the longer you eat it, the worse it gets. Mocha should be sweet with a slight bitter aftertaste. It should, at the least, feel a little creamy. Mocha Oreo does not capture any part of the ideal Mocha experience.

Gorgeability:

I hoped for a cookie that I would want to eat forever, that I might want to stock up on for when they disappear off shelves (like Pumpkin Spice Oreo or Caramel Apple Oreo). No such luck.

Rating:
2/5 Oreo.

Waffles & Syrup Oreo don't make me Waffle, I'm Syr-upting with Thoughts About These Cookies!*

Waffles & Syrup Oreo

History: Waffles & Syrup Oreos were first leaked as a concept in February 2017 - and nobody believed it. Jelly Donut, Mississippi Mud Pie, Firework? All leaked at the same time, all believable. But Waffles & Syrup? Such a complex mixture of flavors seemed a little foolhardy for Nabisco. Could a creme-based sandwich cookie really capture the texture, the experience, of the absolute finest breakfast desert? Well, those wackos at Nabisco really tried. Waffles & Syrup Oreos were released at Albertsons stores in May 2017, a compliment to the Jelly Donut breakfast flavor released nationwide. Albertsons are largely located west of the Mississippi, and none are in Indianapolis. For the first time ever I ordered a package of Oreos online, paying 3x the cost of store-bought cookies. Worth it?

Cookie: Like their Jelly Donut brethren, Waffles & Syrup Oreos feature a standard Golden cookie. My thoughts on these are well documented at this point. Here, the Golden flavor once again makes for an unwelcome addition, too bland to compliment the creme but just, well. Golden cookies only harm, never help a variant flavor because they just suck.

Creme: Ah, the selling point. It's another double-flavor, two-texture variant. This time a smidge of 'syrup' flavor is surrounded by 'waffle' flavor. You've read this far, but here's the real review: disappointing. I felt the same way about Jelly Donut in that the primary flavor 'waffle' is basically traditional Oreo creme, while the middle flavor isn't quite strong enough to feel present. There's a slight aftertaste that is roughly the same as that of an Eggo Waffle, but the actual flavor of the creme is essentially non-existent. In the scale of "gross" to "great," this falls squarely in the middle, which is just too bad.

To illustrate I used a bit of scrap paper to draw the first-ever "Bloreog Scale™."

As you can see, "Swedish Fish" oreos were and AWESOME IDEA but also GROSS. Candy Corn Oreos were a BLAND IDEA and also, GROSS! Red Velvet Oreos? AWESOME + GREAT! Firework Oreos? BLAND but GREAT. I mean, obviously this scale is kind of broken because I didn't put any thought into placing the dots into an actual scale to express *how* awesome or bland or great or gross each cookie is but I hope you get the point: Waffle & Syrup Oreos were probably not worth $10**

Goregeability: I was fine after two. I'm not sure I'll ever need to eat anymore.

3/5.

*Note: My wife said this is the worst title I've ever written.
** Note2: It was totally worth the $10, are you kidding?

Jelly Donut Oreoh whatever I'm tired of trying and apparently so are they

Jelly Donut Oreo

History: JELLY. DONUT. OREOES. The third flavor to rely on the two-texture model introduced with the Creme-Filled Cupcake. This time a soft  jelly filling is surrounded by a rather tasteless 'glaze sugar' flavor. Jelly Donut Oreo is the first of a series of 'breakfast' flavored releases, to be followed by Waffles & Syrup and Mocha Oreos. I hope those are more distinct.

Cookie: A Golden Oreo, tasteless, kind of bland, bad aftertaste, whatever.

Creme: The two-type Oreo is one I'm hoping they get right someday.  Jelly Donut is interesting, but not successful. The flavor of the 'jelly' is memorable but the 'glaze' just doesn't taste like much of anything. So it doesn't approximate the taste of the jelly donut, nor does it really even taste like a jelly Oreo. I'm not sure why Nabisco is having so much trouble mixing flavors, but here we are.

Gorgability: A bit disappointing. one is enough.

Verdict: 2/5

Coconut Creme Oreo Thins Won't Make You Feel Coconuts

Coconut Creme Oreo Thins

History: Back in Fall 2015 they released "Coconut Creme Oreos," regular oreos with Golden cookies and coconut creme. There were bits of coconut in the creme. I liked them; not 'forever keeper' Oreos, but interesting. Apparently I was alone. I saw coconut creme oreos in clearance aisles at Target for months afterwards, and saw hundreds of packages while volunteering at a food pantry in May 2016. I was surprised they went with this as the second original flavor for the Thins line.

Cookie: A chocolate cookie thin cookie. Delicious; flavorful, but not overwhelming.

Creme: Coconut flavor, without the coconut texture. I'm actually a big fan of the coconut texture, and I don't think that the flavor itself translates as well without it. There's little reason to buy a package of these over a package of plain, mint, or even salted caramel Thins.

Gorgability: Just forgettable. I brought a package to work and barely anyone ate any.

Verdict: 1/5

Salted Carmel Oreo Thins are Fine.

Salted Caramel Oreo Thins

History: The first flavor released exclusively to the "Thin" line, Salted Caramel struck me as a sure-fire hit. And it is! It is available at Meijer stores.

Cookie: A thin golden. My usual critique of the Golden cookie stands.

Creme: Salted Carmel is hard to get right - a lot of attempts end up either too sweet or flavorless. Nabisco's done it right here. It's just the right caramel flavor. The only problem is that the combination with Golden cookie creates a long-lasting aftertaste that is distinct and unpleasant.

Gorgability: A few of my coworkers couldn't stop eating these. I was pretty content after just one.

Verdict: 3/5

Peeps Oreos: A Tasty Treat 4 ur Peep (s)

Peeps Oreos

History: 

Peeps Oreos are a special Easter flavor introduced in time for Spring 2017. They are the second "D-Grade Candy" flavor in the last six months, following the truly detestable Swedish Fish flavor. I hate Peeps, but I'll eat marshmallows all day long.

Cookie: Golden!

Creme: Quite special. Going into the cookie I expected something similar to the 'marshmallow crispie' variety from 2015. That cookie wasn't great - far, far too sweet, and if you've read my reviews you're probably familiar with my sensitivity to Oreo sweetness. It is, by far, the most common shortcoming  seen in new Oreo varieties. Peeps Oreos, thankfully, don't exhibit that problem! The marshmallow creme actually tastes like marshmallows without going overboard. It is as close as we'll ever come to just putting a marshmallow between two Oreo cookies.

Thankfully they don't taste like Peeps, which are shitty and nowhere near as good as pure marshmallows.

Additionally, the hot pink creme also has the slightest texture of hard sugar like the Peep candy. It's enough to be noticeable, but it isn't enough to feel unpleasant.

Gorgability: I couldn't stop and now I'm a giant marshmallow.

Verdict: 4/5